I Need Help Recovering from a Past Abortion

Are you experiencing difficult emotions after your partner had an abortion? Whether you initially supported or were against her decision, overwhelming feelings like resentment, regret, anger, guilt, or anxiety can surface days, weeks, or even years later. 

If you’re experiencing these feelings, there is hope! With the right resources and support, you can begin to recover from the pain of abortion. 

Read on to learn helpful strategies that can put you on a healing path.

Talk about Your Feelings

Difficult emotions can feel a lot like a tangled ball of yarn in your mind. But talking to a trusted individual can help unravel these feelings and make them easier to work through. 

However, since there’s much emphasis on women’s healing after abortion, you might feel strange talking about your emotions. Maybe you’re worried that people won’t understand or take your feelings seriously. Or maybe, if your partner is dealing with difficult emotions too, you might feel like you need to be strong for her and stuff your feelings down.

While these worries are understandable, your feelings are valid. And talking about them is the first step toward healing. When choosing a person to confide in, it’s important that you trust them—you want to make sure they’re a good listener and won’t make you feel judged. You could also consider a counselor or support group if you don’t have a friend or relative you trust.

Journal What You’re Going Through

Journaling can be a good option if you don’t have access to a trusted individual or don’t feel ready to talk about your feelings yet. 

It isn’t about grammar or spelling—it’s all about writing what you’re thinking, feeling, and experiencing. And best of all, journaling is private. Whatever you say is only for you, so you don’t need to worry about feeling judged or offending anyone. 

Here are some journaling ideas to get you started: 

• Name the top three emotions you’ve been struggling with since the abortion.

• What makes these feelings worse? 

• What makes these feelings better? 

Journaling can be a transformative act of self-discovery that helps give a voice to what you’re going through.

Help Others

While it might seem counterintuitive, sharing your experience with other men struggling emotionally after their partners had an abortion can be a healing practice. The more you talk about your experience openly, the more you process it, and the more opportunities you’ll create for yourself and other men to find healing. 

If you feel ready, we have opportunities for you to share your experience and hear from other men here.

Is Abortion or Adoption Right for Us?

Your partner just found out she's pregnant. You may have many questions, fears, and concerns. You are not alone as you and your partner navigate your unplanned pregnancy. 

If you are going back and forth between abortion and adoption, it’s important to know that both options will affect your future in a major way. We are here to support you as you decide what’s next. Our team is here to give you more information so you can make a confident decision. 

Start with Pregnancy Confirmation

If your partner confirmed her pregnancy with a home pregnancy test, it’s important to follow up with lab-quality pregnancy testing AND an ultrasound at your local pregnancy center. Pregnancy confirmation will help determine what options you qualify for. 

Abortion procedures happen at different points of pregnancy, so an ultrasound is important to clarify how far along your partner is and be alerted of any possible pregnancy complications.

Should We Choose Parenting?

Choosing to parent can seem like a very difficult decision as you navigate an unplanned pregnancy, but you don’t have to do it alone. 

Parenting is not always the easy choice, but it’s not impossible with the right support system and resources. Talk with us today to learn what local parenting support is available to you. 

What Should We Know About Abortion?

Abortion procedures come with risks and complications. You and your partner deserve to know the facts before making your decision. Protecting your health and wellness is essential.

Depending on the type of abortion procedure, risks that should be discussed in depth with your physician are:

• Incomplete abortion, which may need to be followed by surgical abortion

• An ongoing pregnancy if the procedure doesn't work

• Heavy and prolonged bleeding

• Infection

• Fever

• Digestive system discomfort

Surgical abortion risks could include:

• Perforation of the uterus

• Damage to the cervix

• Scar tissue on the uterine wall

• Infection

Is Adoption Right for Us?

Maybe you or your partner have reservations when it comes to adoption. Though adoption isn’t easy, there are different adoption plans to choose from that can help fit your lifestyle, depending on the amount of communication and contact you wish to have with the child and adoptive family. Your adoption options include:

• Open adoption

• Semi-Open adoption

• Closed adoption

You are not alone in your decision. Sitting down to understand adoption is the only way you’ll truly know if it's right for you. Speak with a pregnancy center or someone you trust today.

What Are the Mental Health Effects of Abortion?

When abortion is spoken about on debate platforms and media outlets, it is incredibly rare to hear about what women go through after an abortion procedure. Pro-choice activists celebrate abortion as a solution to future problems. For many women, abortion is a decision that fosters deep regret and agony.

The abortion conversation must include a detailed and thorough discussion of the mental health effects of abortion. As men, we are born to be protectors. May we use this information to stir compassion within us so that we may protect both the unborn lives at risk, but also protect women from making a decision that could hinder their mental wellbeing.

According to the American Pregnancy Association, common negative feelings include:

• Guilt/shame

• Anger

• Remorse/regret

• Sleep problems and bad dreams

• Relationship problems

• Suicidal thoughts

• Loss of self-esteem or self-confidence

• Feelings of isolation/loneliness

One particular study found that 42% of women note that adverse effects of abortion last for over ten years. The primary effect noted by participants in the study was depression.

Many women feel pressured into having an abortion and often regret their decision. As men, may we rise up to use our words and actions to protect unborn lives at risk and women from making a deeply regretful decision.

How Abortion Affects the Mind

According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), women with a history of abortion experience “elevated rates of mental illness” compared to women who have never had an abortion. It is important to note that many women already struggle with mental health before their abortion. Those with a history of mental health issues are at a greater risk for other mental effects after abortion.

A study about abortion and men revealed mental health risks that could appear in a man when his partner aborts. Some of these risks include:

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Psychosomatic symptoms

• Other behavioral disorders

In a world where young people are chronically depressed and anxious, abortion procedures serve as a startling threat to the mental well-being of so many.

Get Involved in Life-Saving Work

As men, we are charged to be providers and protectors. The women and their partners who are currently contemplating abortion are in need of one powerful substance: hope. May we rally together as men to offer hope to those feeling they are not equipped to carry a pregnancy.

Men, your voice matters. You can make a real difference in this battle. Contact us today to learn more about how you can protect life and empower parents to be great moms and dads.